Weaponizing Weakness
by Kasei-no-hime
Summary: "Hello. My name is Kyubey. And I can grant you one wish." But at what cost are those wishes granted? Kyubey certainly isn't above waiting for the perfect moment, the one where you're at your most vulnerable, to strike. Because once you've hit rock bottom, you'll take any wish - even if you know you'll regret it. (Mostly OC; this serves as the backstory for my character for a RP)


"So tell me, Eve, what is your wish ?"

 _I don't know. I really, really don't know. How can I decide on something like that, when it means..._

My desk was unusually tidy. Well, maybe tidy wasn't the right word; it was more the fact that my usual pens, brushes, and other drawing equipment had been shoved to the sides of the desk. Even my drawing tablet, which usually sat proudly in the centre, had been dethroned by a plain, white sheet of paper. _One that should already have been written on by now._ The only thing next to it was a little note with "Stay Strong ! Love, Emma " written on it. _That note stays, even when I have to move everything else._

The blank page seemed to be taunting me : the complete lack words written on it frustrated me, as I felt that the page was telling me "see ? Told you you didn't have the guts." _Yeah, well fuck you, page._

Picking up my fountain pen, glaring defiantly at the piece of paper, I began to write.

Dear Mother, dear Father...

"Eve, dinner's ready !" I let out a growl of frustration as I heard my mother's voice, setting down my pen after I had only just plucked up the courage to use it. "Coming," I called back in a bitter voice, probably not even loud enough for her to hear. _It's not like I have much choice but to wait._ Putting Emma's little note in my pocket, I dragged myself downstairs.

Arriving in the dining hall, I noticed that today was one of the rare days that the table was set only for two : no relatives, no dinner guests, and of course, no father. _Just me and my mother_.

"Sit down, will you ? There's a lot we need to talk about." _Talk. That would mean you listen to what I have to say, Mother._ I sat down anyway; due to the way the table had been laid, I had no choice but to be in front of her, feeling uncomfortable under her impatient stare.

"What is it you need to talk about, Mother ?" I asked; my tone was cold, but I didn't dare look her in the eye. She started dishing out the potatoes, also avoiding eye contact, as if she didn't really want to go through with this. _You and me both._

"Well, you must realise you've been a bit... well, underperforming, haven't you ?" she said, releasing her words all in one go like a breath she'd been holding for too long. "You used to do so well at school, and yet now... You must realise that if you're going to get in to your university, you're going to have to work a bit harder, right ?" This was how she always spoke to me. Rhetorical questions used only to tell me what to think. Wording things as if they were my choice. As if she was in my head, knowing what I wanted, using anything she could to tug at my feelings. _My university ?_ _Do you really think I give a single shit about lawyer school ?_ As if she heard my thoughts, she carried on, in a colder tone.

"Look, Eve, I know how you feel." _No you don't._ "Your... passions, and your plans for next year, don't quite line up. But you must realise that all that time you hide yourself up in your room, drawing who knows what... that won't earn you the life that law school will. The life that you _deserve_." I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to snap back at her. _If that's the life I deserve..._ Still, I knew that anything I said would bounce right off her. Just like it always did. Especially now that she didn't have Father around to act like her more reasonable half...

...

"So, have you made up your mind, Eve ? You can save people with your wish. I don't understand why you're taking so long...?" Kyubey's voice was the only thing I was fully conscious of. My body was numb from the anaesthetic, making my head swim. And, of course, it wasn't like I could see him...

"I want to help, Kyubey. But who do I help ? That's what I just can't decide..."

 _Although, surely, only one of my two choices would be fair, right ? The other would make me into a monster... wouldn't it ?_

...

Noticing my silence, Mother let out a sigh, shaking her head slowly. _She's disappointed. But why ? She always told me to live my dreams, yet as soon as I started to follow that path..._

"Listen, Eve. I know it's been difficult for you, lately. Without your father around, I mean... But, do you think I wanted this to happen to him ?"

"It's not like I wanted him to have cancer either, Mother !" _There she goes, making herself the centre of everything once again. Has she always been so... like this ? How did I put up with her, how was I always so... obedient ? No, she's been like this since Father hasn't been around anymore, hasn't she...?_ She shook her head once again, looking back down at her plate with a disapproving look on her face.

"Believe me, if I had one wish, it would be to cure him, but I can't. You don't get wishes. And if the best doctor's can't cure him, neither can you, Eve. I know it's frustrating, and feels so unfair, but... that's not a reason to throw your life away on a pursuit of some pointless dream. Trust me, I was like that at your age, but I listened to reason, and don't regret my choice. I don't want you to regret yours, Eve."

"The only life I'm throwing away is the one you're trying to force on me, Mother !" _I hated it. I hated how she talked so condescendingly to me, as if she knew everything I thought, and everything that would happen to me. But what do you know, Mother ? What about how miserable I'd be ? Do you "know how I'd feel" studying, working, in an environment that I couldn't care less about ?_

"Don't raise your voice at me, Eve !" Mother said menacingly. I shrank back down into my seat, shutting right up, even though I was still boiling inside. _You're weak, Eve. Even now, you just do as you're told, like a good little child._ Yet as much as I reprimanded myself for it, I still couldn't really stand up to Mother. _I guess I never got any practise. I never used to need to. And yet, it's going to be different from now on._ I turned my frustration to my meat and potatoes, cutting them savagely with a glare on my face, trying to steel myself up for whatever she'd say next. _I don't want to always have to just sit in silence. I can make up my own mind, now !_ Thinking of the piece of paper waiting for me the write on it in my room renewed my courage slightly. _I can do this._

"Life is unfair, Eve, but we need to be strong, and not just give it all up when something bad happens. It's not what he would have wanted, is it ?" Despite what she was saying, there was no real emotion in her voice. _Yet surely, she must care... Right ?_ Not only that, but...

"Don't... don't speak like he's already gone, Mother." I wanted to sound forceful, but my words came out more like a weak plea. It got her attention, though, and a mixture of emotions that I couldn't quite decipher flashed across her face.

"Why, Eve, that wasn't my intention at all ! We both know that they're doing everything they can for him, it's just that... Well, we don't always get what we want in life. That's why you should trust me and stop chasing your childish desires to be some kind of artist !" _No, fuck this. It's one thing to try and get me to study law, but it's another to use my dying father as a way to manipulate me into doing so._ Pushing my plate away in a sign of defiance, I did my best to glare at her, but my voice was wavering, betraying how uncertain I was of my words when I finally did speak.

"Mother, I am old enough to know what I want to do with my life ! I know that I do not want to be a lawyer, and I know that drawing is my passion ! And that's what I'm going to pursue ! That's... that's what Father would have wanted !" This time, the look on her face was unmistakable : shock and anger. _Yes, I did just claim to know Father better than you do ! I know he'd want me to do what's best for me, not just what you've decided for me !_

 _..._

"Isn't the choice obvious, Eve ? The choice should be clear, even to a human." _Kyubey. You just don't understand us, do you ? It's hard to make a choice when you need to sacrifice something else in exchange..._ But, he was right.

"It is obvious, isn't it... Father never raised me to be egotistic, did he ? How could I live with myself if I chose to do something so selfish, so, so..." The reality of the situation was finally catching up to me, and I was getting all choked up about it. I had a chance to escape from something that'd ruin the rest of my life and destroy my dreams... but I couldn't use it. _Not at the cost of Father's life._

"Yes, you're right, Kyubey. Why am I even hesitating ? I... I have to save Father, don't I ?"

There was a long pause; I couldn't see what Kyubey was doing, but I felt like he was staring at me, unmoving, judging.

"I really will never understand you humans."

...

Mother quickly got over her shock, but her anger remained as she crossed her arms, scowling at me, before talking in a level yet menacing voice.

"Listen to me. I know what's best for you. I also know what he would have wanted for you. And deep down, I know that you too... you know that this isn't really you speaking. You've been like this ever since you started hanging out with Emma... She's a bad influence on you, you know, filling your head with..." I stood up, truly angry this time.

"You leave her out of this ! Unlike you, she's actually been helping me get through all this !" It was true. I had met Emma only recently, but she had already grown to be so important to me. She comforted me, offered me support... Far more than Mother did, anyway.

"Besides, I've always loved drawing ! She just encouraged me to pursue something I enjoy instead of throwing myself into a future I don't care about !"

"That's precisely the problem !" She exclaimed, her angry glare boring a hole into me. "Without her, you wouldn't be in this phase of petty teenage rebellion !" Slamming her open hand into the table, she continued. "I will not allow you to keep on going down this path; what would your Father think if he learnt that you'd abandoned your future just because he wasn't around ? Why, that'd make him feel terrible ! That's why... I'm forbidding you from seeing Emma any longer. And that's final."

Her words froze me on the spot, stopping any kind of retort I might have had planned. _No. No way. She couldn't stop me from seeing Emma. She couldn't !_ Trembling, I couldn't hold her gaze any longer. It was too much. I couldn't be in the room with her any longer.

"Ex... excuse me..." I muttered, heading towards my room, my fists clenched. I didn't wait for her reply.

...

Kyubey's fell silent for a while longer. Was he thinking ? Or was he preparing to grant my wish, maybe ? I had no idea how something like this would work... Honestly, I don't even know why I believed what he was promising me. _Any hope is better than none, maybe...?_ Finally, he spoke again, breaking the silence.

"I don't understand you humans... But, before, you said that you wanted to help people, correct ?" It was true; I had talked to Kyubey a bit. He came when I was alone, after all, so it was nice to have someone to talk to... even if it was some kind of... thing that granted wishes. _Can't be picky._

"Yes, of course... I just want to help others. That's why I shouldn't help myself; at least I can save Father, that way..."

Another pause accompanied my words. _I wish I could see him. See what he's doing. I don't even have a clue as to what he looks like._

"If you want to help people, Eve, you're going about it all wrong."

...

I had been crying in my darkened room, face-down in my pillow, for what felt like ages, clutching Emma's note in my hand as my sole comfort. _Frustrated. I'm so frustrated. As much as I want to make my own decisions, in the end, my opinions, my hopes and dreams, they don't matter, do they ? I'll always be weak. I'll never be able to stand up for myself, or to make any kind of difference. The only way I'll make anyone happy is by sacrificing my own happiness for them. Doing what they want. I don't matter._ Whenever I felt like I could finally speak up for myself, I remembered Mother's words, the words that she'd always use to shut me down. _Petty teenage rebellion. That's all it is in the end, isn't it ? I'm just a selfish teenager, putting on a stupid act to try and seem independent, even though I'll regret it later. I should just shut up and listen to her._

Just then, I felt a vibration in my pocket. _A text._ I didn't reach for my phone straight away, taking a while to muster up the energy to move once again, before managing to sit up, wiping my eyes as I reached for my phone. The screen lit up my face, making me squint whilst my eyes adjusted. _Half past eight. I've only been crying here for half an hour… feels like longer._ Unlocking my phone, I saw that I did in fact have one new message. _Oh !_ My heart skipped a beat when I saw who it was from. _Emma !_ Wiping my eyes again in an effort to see more clearly, I opened it, reading what she had to say.

A small smile had managed to sneak onto my face by the time I had finished with it. It wasn't much. She was just asking how I was, how my latest drawing was coming on, and if I was still up for visiting her. _Not much, yet it means so much to me. I just want to be with her…_ I clutched Emma's note harder, holding it against my chest. _Then I shall. I was planning to run away anyway, wasn't it ? Then I might as well see her whilst I'm at it ! Mother can be damned if she thinks she can stop me !_ Drying the remainder of my tears, I walked over to my desk, where the almost-blank piece of paper lay in wait for me. _This time, I'm doing it._

I had gotten all psyched up for a long note, but in the end, I barely wrote anything. Just, that I was leaving, that I loved them but that I needed some freedom. Laying down my fountain pen, my heart had already started beating fast. _Is this really a good idea ? Won't she just phone the police to search for me as soon as she finds this letter ?_ I was thinking about leaving it somewhere downstairs where she would find it for sure, but now, I was feeling less sure of myself, and opted to just leave it on my desk in the end. _That'll give me until morning, at the very least..._

Taking a deep breath, I put both Emma's note and my phone into my pocket and grabbed a coat before walking up to my window. _It isn't hard to climb down from here. I used to do it all the time, when I was younger, just for fun, so I should still be able to do it now..._ I slid the window open; night had fallen, and a breath of cold air brushed against my face. _No turning back now._

A few minutes later, I was in the streets near my house, under the dim glow of the streetlights. I rubbed my hands against each other : I was both cold and nervous. _But no. I need to make a stand._ My pace was brisk, yet uncertain : I had been walking for a while now in what I thought was the right direction, and yet... it was getting harder to hide the fact that I didn't know how to get to Emma's house on foot. _Fine. I'll take the bus. I know where she lives, so it shouldn't be hard to follow the bus lines to her street, right ?_ There was a bus stop near my house, but... I didn't want to turn back. I felt like I was returning to the source of my problems if I wasn't getting as far away from there as possible. And so I kept going, hoping to find a bus stop by pure chance. _This isn't going to work, is it ?_ It wasn't like I was afraid of the dark, but the little streets near my house were so silent and still at night that I couldn't help but feel... Unsettled. _Like something's watching me. That's just an illusion, though... Keep going._

It took longer than I had hoped before coming across a bus stop; by now, my hands were frozen by the cold winter's air, and my initial foolhardy motivation had drained considerably. Seeing what I had been searching for rekindled it, though : with a smile, I almost ran up to the bus stop. _Right, now I'm on to something ! So if she lives there, I need to take that line until here, which means..._ _There's no bus for another forty-five minutes._ I felt terribly let down : cold, scared, I didn't want to wait that long out in unfamiliar territory. By now, I had arrived in much bigger streets, at even this late, the sound of cars speeding past me was a common distraction from the stillness of the night. The lights were brighter, and there were even a few pedestrians from time to time, but still, I couldn't shake the constant feeling of being observed. I even could have sworn that I saw a small creature darting in and out of my peripheral vision... _I'm just nervous, that's all._

Yet, in truth, I was more than nervous. Everything inside me was telling me that this was a bad idea, that I should go home, that it wasn't too late. _After all, I can sneak out at other times, like in the day at week-ends, to see Emma, right ? I'm sure Mother won't really prevent me from seeing her... Right ?_ My heart was still racing, and I could tell I was looking for any excuse to turn back. _Yet if I do that, I won't see her, will I ?_ Putting a hand in my pocket, I pulled out her note. _Stay strong._ _I can do it. I can do it !_ With renewed determination, I looked at the map at the bus stop. _I can just find my way with this, it can't be too hard !_ And, in truth, it wasn't : I could go mostly straight from where I was for a while, and from then on, I wrote down on my phone the few important turns I needed to end up on her street. _Yes, I can do this !_

And so I set off once more to find her house, a small bounce in my step, convinced I would be able to find it, to stay with her, to make a stand for my own freedom. In truth, I really should have stayed at home.

Arriving at a large road, I knew I needed to cross it before turning left. _Nearly there !_ I was walking even faster now, not only from the cold, but because the feeling of being watched had turned into one of feeling followed. It was a busy road, so I walked up to the nearest traffic lights to wait for an opportunity to cross. I almost got there, too, but a series of small, terribly fast events happened that stopped me from ever getting there.

 _The sound of a motorbike. The screech of its tires. A small, white... cat ? jumping across the road. A swerve, and an impact. Pain. Two red, round, eyes staring at me. Darkness._

 _..._

"Hello. My name is Kyubey. And I can grant you one wish, Eve."

...

I woke up in a pitch black room with a start; my head was throbbing, and I couldn't move my legs at all. _Or maybe I just couldn't feel them ?_ Moving my arms to try and find a light switch, I felt something coming out of them, like some sort of cable... _I was attached to something ?_

"Hello ?" I called faintly, hoping someone was around, before resting back into what felt like a pillow. _Kyubey, wishes, magical girls... what was all that about ? A dream ? I felt like I was really talking to someone, though..._

I waited there for a while : having my eyes open or closed didn't seem to make any difference, which was starting to worry me. _Even at night, there's usually an LED, or a light coming under a door or through a window or something... no ?_ My head hurt, and I still couldn't move my legs, so I ended up trying to go back to sleep; I'm not quite sure if I managed to or not, but the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching eventually caught my attention. I heard a door burst open, followed by a "she's awake !"

I was really starting to get worried : I could hear people, my own mother, right next to me, talking about how I looked so pale, and yet... I still couldn't see anything.

"M... Mother ?"

I felt her hands around my face, but it felt numb, and hard to pinpoint exactly where her fingers even were.

"Why is it so dark ? Why can't I move my legs ? What... what happened ?"

The following silence was the heaviest of my life.

A few hours later, everything had been explained, and Mother had had to go home.

 _Hit by a car. Crippled legs, and head trauma._

I felt strangely empty inside; it was too much information to digest at once, too many life-changing facts were thrown at me, and I just couldn't accept it quite yet. _And yet, I feel like I remember it. And I have gone blind, haven't I ? The proof is all there..._

And if that wasn't enough heavy-hitting news...

 _"How's Father doing ?"_ After asking this, Mother had fallen silent once again... before painfully telling me the truth. He didn't have long left to live. In fact, I was "lucky" to have woken up in time to maybe talk to him one last time.

 _"But... didn't he still have a chance to recover ? How... how long have I been like this ?"_

Months. That's what they told me. It had been months. The summer holidays had started, I had missed my exams, I wouldn't be going to university next year. _How am I meant to just cope with the fact that I've lost some of the most important months of my life, even if on top of that there wasn't my loss of vision, ability to walk, and soon, my... my Fa..._

I began to cry. My feelings had caught up with the facts. That night alone, I had lost so much, and I'd never get it back. _And to make it all even crueler, the one person who I'd done all this for..._

 _"Has Emma visited me at all ?"_

They said she had, at the beginning. Whenever she had the chance, in fact. But since the end of exams, she had moved, studying abroad. In America. She was gone. _Why ?_

My sobbing increased, which only make my headache worse. _Why did this happen ? I just wanted to see Emma, and now..._

"Hello again, Eve. Have you thought about your wish yet ?"

...

Kyubey had been around for a few days now, coming to talk to me when I was alone. It took me a while to fully remember, but eventually, all the dreams that I had had of him talking to me when I was unconscious came back; everything he had said about magical girls and wishes turned out to be true. _Well, he stood by it even now, at least. It being true or not is another story..._

Of course, I didn't believe a word of it at first. How could I ? He was basically asking me to believe in magic. I've never even been particularly superstitious, yet alone one to believe in this kind of magic. Yet he was insistent. He kept coming back. He kept reminding me that I'd be getting a wish out of this... And, in my situation, how could I afford to throw away what little hope I had left ? _It would take a miracle for me to get my eyesight and mobility back. What if this was the opportunity ?_

Yet then, the news came : Father had a week left to live, at best. Nothing would save him now. _Nothing, except my wish, that is. That's why I need to chose him. I'm still alive. I'll get through this, one way or another. But him ? Without a miracle, he's dead. Forever. So I need to save him. Even if it means that... that I..._

 _..._

"If you want to help people, Eve, you're going about it all wrong."

I turned towards where his voice was coming from, confused. _Surely it's better to help someone else who needs it more, right...?_ I didn't say anything, though, waiting to see if he'd carry on.

"If you want to help people, Eve, use your wish on yourself." I heard him jump, followed by a small, muffled thump on my bed, as his voice got closer. _Like a cat crawling up to me... What are you, Kyubey ?_ "If you save your father, that's only one person. Also, you'll never recover. Yet, if you save yourself, and become a magical girl... Do you have any idea how many people you'll save ?"

 _I hadn't thought of that. But he had mentioned "witches" or something, which magical girls can destroy..._

"Witches kill people every day, Eve. And magical girls are the only ones that can destroy them. You can save far more than a single life if you make the wish for yourself. Also..."

 _Don't say it. You don't have to. I Know. I know, and that's why it's so difficult..._

"Also, you won't only be saving other people, but yourself in the process. Can you live the rest of your life blind and crippled ? All that for an old man who probably doesn't have that long left to live, anyway ? Besides, if you ever want to fulfil your dream of being an artist..."

I felt sick, like I had been punched in the stomach. _Why did I ever tell him about that ? ...Did I even talk about it ?_ Whatever was the case, I hated it. I hated it, because I knew he was right, I knew I was selfish, and that I only had the courage to try and help someone else because I was just blocking myself from thinking about the consequences of sacrificing myself. _But I don't want to. I want to live how I was living before, not like this. I don't want to have to give up on everything I enjoy. And if I get to help lots of people in the process..._ I felt tears welling up in my eyes. _I'm weak, aren't I ? And he knows it. He knows I'm not a hero, that deep down, I'm just looking for any kind of justification to help myself. He knows what to say to manipulate me... and yet, I want to be manipulated, if it means I get to be selfish._ Warm, wet tears were now rolling down my cheeks, but I made no effort to prevent them. _At least they prove I'm still slightly human, even when considering something like this..._

The soft sound of sobbing was the only thing breaking the silence for a while, until Kyubey spoke up again, right next to my face this time; I couldn't see him, but the same uneasy feeling of being watched that I felt the night of the accident was making my spine tingle.

"Well ? Are you going to sacrifice yourself to save one person ? Or save yourself so that you can help hundreds ?"

I glared at where I thought he must be. _I hate you. I hate how you can state it like that so easily. I hate that you're right._ But he was. I didn't want to sacrifice myself. I just shouldn't have been giving this choice. _But I have, and I'll take it._

 _I'm sorry, Father. I had one chance to save you, and yet I didn't take it. Please, don't hate me._

"Kyubey… Do it. Make me into a magical girl. And… and I wish to be healed, back to how I was before the accident."

 _I hate myself. I hate you. But I'm going to make up for it by being the best magical girl you're ever seen. Mark my words._


End file.
